Akaya thumped down into the grass under the stand of chestnut trees at the edge of campus. For a long time he just lay, looking up at the sky, which was a lovely, clear blue that day, just about as empty as his mind. With luck, no one would notice him for a while.
Luck clearly thought that he’d gotten enough favors lately, though, because he heard footsteps well before he had recovered himself.
“You look dazed.”
Akaya levered himself up on an elbow to make sure that was who it sounded like. “Jackal-senpai.” Who looked rather amused. He let himself thud back down. “That’d be because I feel dazed. I mean,” he rambled on, “there have got to be eight billion new first years running around today, and half of them are in the tennis club, and they’re all calling me Buchou.”
Jackal-senpai leaned against one of the trees, humor hovering at the corners of his mouth. “Surely you’re already used to that, Akaya; everyone has been calling you that for months, now.”
“It’s different,” Akaya muttered. He sat up and folded his arms around his knees. The second years he could handle; he had earned what he saw in their faces when they called him Kirihara-buchou. Respect or fear or pride, he had earned it. But the glow in the first years’ eyes, the awe in their voices when they whispered to each other about him, that made him twitchy.
“Hm.” Jackal-senpai sat down next to him, but didn’t speak for a while. “You know,” he said, finally, “this is one of my favorite places on campus. It’s where I used to come when culture shock was getting to me.”
Akaya rested his head on his knees, looking sideways at Jackal-senpai. “Culture shock?”
“When you feel unsettled and out of place. When you feel like either you or everything around you is changing and you’re not sure which it is. When you don’t feel like you can connect.” Jackal-senpai leaned back on his hands. “This is a nice, quiet place to calm down again.”
Akaya bit his lip, hard, as his stomach lurched. Disconnected. Yeah. But it wasn’t like he was alone, was it? He had his team, just a different one this year. And next year he could go back.
Couldn’t he?
Out of place… no, that wasn’t exactly the problem anymore. “What do you do when you’re in place and it’s a different place than it was?” he asked, softly.
A crooked smile twisted Jackal-senpai’s mouth for a moment, more like one of Niou-senpai’s than his own. “Ah. That’s what comes next. When you get there you just have to stand as firm as you can.”
He could do that, Akaya was pretty sure. The first years didn’t make him twitch because he thought he couldn’t live up to those looks. Actually, he picked at his feelings, slowly unraveling them, he was twitchy because he was so sure he could. He sighed at his own total illogic. “I’m an idiot,” he said to his knees. “There’s no such thing as being too good.”
“Wouldn’t think so,” Jackal-senpai agreed. “But you’ve had two years under Yukimura; none of us will be surprised if it takes you a while to get used to being on your own.”
Another cold shiver grabbed Akaya’s insides, and he grimaced. This was ridiculous. He wasn’t afraid of catching up to Yukimura-san. He knew he wasn’t. He didn’t need to lean on Yukimura-san. He knew he didn’t. He just…
He just wished he did.
“Complete idiot,” he muttered to himself.
Jackal-senpai made a questioning sound, though, when Akaya lifted his head, he turned out to be looking up at the sky. A breath of a laugh caught Akaya by surprise. He was getting to appreciate that kind of tact more every day he had to deal with Niiyama and Sakamoto.
“I miss it,” he whispered. Missed the comfort of not being the strong one.
Now Jackal-senpai looked at him, steel eyes level. “Yes. And it won’t be quite the same when you go back. But that isn’t something we can help, Akaya. Any of us.” Suddenly he smiled—his own smile, serious and kind. “But I really don’t think anyone is going to toss you back out the door; my aunts and uncles certainly don’t, though the comments on how much I’ve grown since they last saw me almost make me wish they would.”
Akaya had an absurd mental image of Yukimura-san pinching his cheeks the way his own aunts did when they visited, and broke down laughing.
Jackal-senpai reached over and ruffled his hair, a rare casual gesture from him. “It’ll be better when the tournament season starts and you have other things to distract you,” he assured Akaya.
Akaya snorted a final laugh. Come to think of it, the tournaments probably would cure him of this irritating introspection, if only by providing him with opponents to take away any silly qualms about winning. And winning. And winning some more. He smiled, feeling better just thinking about it.
Summer would be a good time.
End
I’ve been really bad about commenting on this, but I really am enjoying this series more than I can say. Your writing continues to improve and I hardly ever see anything that niggles me as Wrong.
The strength of this particular piece is obviously Jackal. His dual-nationality is used wonderfully here, and it comes across as a strength for him. There’s not anywhere near as much Jackal fanfic as there should be.
I love your spin on Kirihara throughout all of this. He’s growing up lovely. ^_^
*g* as soon as i start writing this, Here Comes the Sun came on my mediaplayer…
There is definitely not enough Jackal-fic. I think he’s just too polite of a muse, and gets lost in all the more flamboyant characters clamoring for attention.
Muses like, say, Kirihara…
Glad you liked it!
[insert squealing here]
Come to think of it, the tournaments probably would cure him of this irritating introspection, if only by providing him with opponents to take away any silly qualms about winning. And winning. And winning some more. He smiled, feeling better just thinking about it.
Eeeeeeeeeeee. Kirihara, I love you.
(Also, I love the connection between Kirihara looking forward to summer here, and to Yukimura looking forward to summer in his piece. Heh.)
*beams* I love me my parallelism. And I love me my Em, who always spots it. *pouncesnuggle*
I think … I finally have to quit hiding and comment.
This is absolutely wonderful. It’s so great to read, and it makes me all incoherent and, and squee *-*. I love all of your characterizations, and everything, and the whole arc is just brilliant.
And there’s even Jackal! Awesome.
*delighted* Thank you, it’s good to hear you’ve been enjoying the stories!
Have I mentioned recently how much I love and adore your writing? the way you protray the characters…your seeming inate understanding of the complexities, the illogical, contradictory nature of the mind and spirit… always beautiful to behold.
{grins} and you know how happy and excited I am that you’ve returned to this series!
^_^V Thank you, dear!
I do try; it helps that I remember going through something very similar.
Squeeee. <3
I really don’t have much more to say. I’ve loved every single story in this arc, and this one’s no different. The interaction between Jackal and Kirihara is great – there definitely isn’t enough good Jackal fics around.
Wonderful! Good to know the pace isn’t lagging.
Have I mentioned recently how much I love your writing? YOu somehow manage to say everything that should be said, in a neat, beautiful little package. *wibbles the maturing Kirihara*
‘Summer would be a good time…’ Of course it would, for Kirihara. Matches and competitions to win, and standing own your own feet yet knowing those who care for you can catch you if you fall…. How nice….
*beams* Thank you!
*nods* I do think the competitions will help Kiri-elf get his balance. He’s a bit like Echizen that way, by now–challenges make him all perky.
Kiri-chan, you’re adorable, and Jackal, I love you.
Akaya’s got an one-track mind when it comes to tennis, doesn’t he? All of them seem to, at any rate.
But he’s adorable when he’s freaking out. And when he’s all tennis-minded. Jeezus, does anything else even exist for these boys when they’re tennis-minded? (Can’t believe I think it’s cute.)
And I love my onee-sama the bestest of all! *beams*
I honestly don’t think anything else does exist for them when they’re tennis-minded. At least not for the best of them; that’s why they’re the best, I expect.
*loves*
And that focus is what makes them so very, very attractive….
It’s been a while, but I thought I should write a
reviewessay of praise one of these days. I wonder if this’ll be one of the stranger replies you’ve gotten. *sweatdrop*Truthfully, I was completely and utterly impressed by your characterizations. I know that sounds bad, but it was just so /different/ that I can’t help but come back again and again. Your fics are another source of balance and sense of ease that I need sometimes. The things that so many of us find frustration in trying to express and develop the idea for, you have already spoken with in language. It’s all wonderful.
Sex is definitely in the mind and I think you’re one of the few authors that I feel like I actually have a sex drive for, considering that I certainly have no feeling for hot and not hot. *rolls eyes at herself* The language is wonderful and the whole description gives room for the thought…. I find myself blushing and learning something at the same time. *laughs*
Seriously, though, I love all your characterizations and characters. I can’t wait to see how you work on Shinji, and I’d love to see your work on Sakuno. She seems so very cute in your writings, especially in that comparison to Ryoma. XDXD But Yukimura, Tezuka, and Atobe own me most of all. Fuji does too, and I love the way you describe his problems, because he’s one of the few that are shown to have a major problem in the series. I’m always biased on Atobe… and Tezuka is just *_*. If anyone needed to know why Tezuka was such a popular character, I’d reccomend them… no wait, everyone should read this stuff anyway…
Am I laying it on too thick? I’d like to think not. ^^ I’m sorry, but you have a major fan, making my top three fanfic writers list. (I’m not sure who the third is, btw, but I’ll have to think about that one… and the other writes in Japanese.)
You’re so much older than me, so it’s kind of a comfort to lay on this kind of praise to someone who has enough time to take it all in stride… I hope. XD
I think I need to sleep badly. Sadly, though, I’m only going to get one hour of sleep, I think. I dunno. Maybe I’ll just cut class today.
Sad, I should be commenting on this fic too!
Jackal gets so little attention, it’s nice to see him getting development. I like how different he is from the rest of Rikkai in this piece, showing how much of a strength he is to Kirihara, who is learning… well, everything. Kirihara’s awesome.
*blushing* Thank you very much. It’s wonderful to hear when my stories really click for someone. Especially since balance is one of the things I try hard to keep, between all these characters. This show has so many characters with hidden or complex personalities, so many corners to explore, I suppose it’s really no surprise I’ve fallen so hard for all of them. But it’s very good to hear that I’m doing them justice in the eyes of another person who appreciates those complexities.
Kirihara is awsome! And he’s shortchanged so often, the poor thing. *pets Kiri-muse*
Thank you again!
I haven’t gotten around to commenting either! But I had to for this one
because Jackal :O, hehe xD I love the conversation and you’re right there’s not enough Jackal fic out there. He’s a quiet boy but such a useful character particularly when you need to explore Rikkai in the way they treat each other. I’m rambling on a little bit here but it’s why I love this team so much! And I adore your Kirihara. 😀THANK YOU for writing Jackal! And so wonderfully too ♥
Thanks, hon!
*firm nod* It couldn’t have been anyone else, to talk to for this one. Jackal rocks. He’s so grounded, when the rest of them are such flakes. *pets Jackal*